A Constant Struggle

I admit myself in conflict when I write this. Not just that simple, should I have the vanilla, or the chocolate conflict. This is a real gut busting, head twisting conflict. You see, I was told recently that I was going to be the recipient of the Stephen A. Kokolski Assessor of the Year award.

I was mixed right from the onset. Elated to be considered for such an award, yet it had me looking back over the last year and ask the question, "What had I really done?"

I almost immediately pulled up some older posts from Kicking Back that I though would have been useful to folks, and read, and re-read them. From there I thumbed through almost all my assessments from the last year making sure they were on point and pithy as to catch the referees attention and impart a point. Further still I read some Emails from earlier in the year from referees that I interacted with to dissect my meaning and message.

Then it hit me.

I was assessing myself as an assessor.

I expected some type of temporal anomaly, divide by zero, space-time rip to occur. Clearly it did not.

It was however a reminder that everyone needs an assessor. Panning my mind further into the concept, I thought about my last employment review that I received, or, that I gave. I wandered around the last time I spoke to the soccer team I coach about their performance both as a whole, and as individuals. More personally, the last time I "assessed" my kids.

I could go on but I hope the point is clear. Assessment is a critical tool both introspective, extrospective, and from others. With these evaluation tools, we learn from ourselves, and those around us. Not just about soccer, but real life lessons. Truly important stuff, not where to stand on a corner kick.

So what did I learn as I assessed my assessments in light of my recent events you ask?

I have a long way to go, but am happy to put in the work to get better.