Monkeys (and men) with small testicles howl loudest

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

For any who think this is a joke (at least the monkeys part), please take a look here from The American Bazaar. There is a real honest to goodness research paper on the topic as well. Yes, the "and men" comment was mine.

For me there is a clear analogy to real life as I am sure we have all met and dealt with people who howl, whine, and frankly bully others to get their way. I am in fact dealing with one such individual right now and it is really draining, even having already seen through the ruse to what the end game is about.

So too is true in refereeing. Now we may have dealt with players that are loud and unsavory, but my comments are not about them, they are about us as referees.

I shared the other day the referee who was overseeing Jr.'s match and after a foul, when he was asked about the decision, out came the reply "... because I said so." There dear friends is a howler monkey with small testicles.

"Words can wound" is an oft used expression that I personally think is overly dramatic in some situations, a refereeing context being one of them. What words can do however is paint a pretty accurate picture of the mental state of a referee.

Take the example from Jr.'s match. If the referee had simply said, "I saw a push" or "I thought it was a handball" even if dead wrong about the decision it will at least have the player left to feel like "... well he saw something." By slamming the door shut however with his "... because I said so." answer, the players at that point lost all respect, and even continued to ask knowing it would bother the referee further.

Keith Hackett, FIFA referee, and an all round talented guy, penned a great article from his series, "You Are The Ref," titled "The Importance of Presence as a Referee." In the article he talks about things like voice control, posture, empathy, and my personal favorite "sparkle." All of which are critical not just in the big parks around the world, but even more so in the little ones.

Don't be a monkey with small balls and scream because you can. Be the leader inside the field and when (not if) you get challenged, treat the players with the respect you would want to get. You may be surprised to find after such an exchange, they will be more willing to give that respect back.

Did it really happen?

The Knowledge Christmas special: Did world war one matches really happen?

"Did the Christmas football matches between British and German troops in the first world war trenches really take place?" wonders a sceptical (sic) Sandy Brook.

As you imply in your question, Sandy, most folk raise an eyebrow nowadays at the thought of Tommy and Jerry getting together for a spot of festive soccer on a patch of no-man's land so churned it made the Baseball Ground circa 1972 look like the gardens of Tresco. It seems highly improbable, especially to modern minds conditioned by social media, that petty grudges could be set aside in the name of peace and goodwill to all men. But some contemporary reports suggest that's exactly what happened on Christmas Day 1914. ... 

See the whole story here, courtesy of The Guardian.

Kicking Back Comments: A fun twist on a classic story. Funniest part was this line:

There was no referee, and no score, no tally at all. It was simply a melee – nothing like the soccer you see on television.

I love that personally. If true, you have two countries, nay, a world at war, and you don't need a referee for the match.

A large part of me thinks that referees are horrible for football. I think we may all be surprised what players of good conscience will do when left to their own devices.

Schopenhauer’s Law of Entropy

This "law" states in relevant part:

“If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you get sewage.”

Sounds like what can happen to a match if the referee is not careful.

Take a look at Reviewing MLS Officiating in 2012 by Randy Vogt which goes through some of the decisions made by MLS referees over this 2012 season. While I don't always agree with his analysis, the overall point he makes gets closer to accurate, which reads:

"I understand that one game does not make a season but we’ll find out in the next couple of weeks if the high quality of that performance led to Geiger being assigned the MLS Cup Final."

If you look carefully, this statement is actually a contradiction, as a referees last match, especially at that level, certainly impacts their next. Said another way, one match can end a season. Just like one spoonful of sewage spoils a barrel of wine.

This is one of the sad truths of refereeing at the very highest levels, where one mistake, a single mistake, can close out an opportunity to do "the next game." Think about tournament play. Something happens to a referee in the "qualifying rounds" and they may get lucky to move forward. Anytime after that however, not likely. 

Don't believe me? Ask Koman Coulibaly.

Who? Yes. Exactly. FIFA still has him in their "witness protection program" more than (2) years later.

Trust me on this one too, as I have lived it.

Now, the further away one drifts from the highest level of The Game, the less likely mistakes of any type will adversely impact a career, as less experienced referees are expected to make mistakes as they learn. In fact I would opine they need to.

One sad fact is that the mistakes are generally all that is remembered. It was not the spectacular advantage a referee gave to allow the game winning goal. It was not the hair splitting offside decision to allow play to continue to force overtime. It is the "bad" call that cost the home team the game ... even if they were already down (3) goals in aggregate play. 

Randy's article does well to point out this fact as well as the (however anecdotal) statistic of 9::1 good to bad decisions. I actually believe it is much, much higher than that. Remember the decision to NOT call a foul is at time more critical than TO call a foul.

Long story short is that there is opportunity abound for someone to pour that spoonful of sewage into your match. Guard each jealously as to do otherwise invites more trouble than you need.

Say WHAT!?!?

So here is a funny story for you regarding just what an impact small gestures and non-verbal communication have.

Over this last week or so I have had the pleasure to be sitting at a bar review class, specifically for those who wish to practice before the USPTO in matters of patent law. The only way to be admitted for practice is through a brutal exam (the "Patent Bar") that spits up and chews out about 50% of those who take it and has done so year on year in varying degrees for some time now.

This class (by PLI) was held at Suffolk University School of Law in downtown Boston, a truly beautiful setting and school. So instead of trying to commute for these days, about an hour each way, just to sit in class for about (11) hours a day, I stayed in town nearby.

So about 7:30 in the morning I was walking to class on a Thursday and was passing by the Omni Parker House (a nice place if you get the chance to visit) and there was a very nice sedan there with a driver waiting to pick up someone. It was clear the driver's client was about to arrive as he was waiting there, door open, very attentive and ready to go. I admit I slowed my pace just a little to see who was going to pop out of the Omni ... I am a little bit of a voyeur, and while not a "star watcher", I am a people watcher and looked to see what would develop.

What happened next was not what I would have expected.

A meter man (masculine of maid) sauntered by and caught the eye of the driver who was illegally parked, albeit for the legitimate reason of waiting for his fare. The next exchange was priceless.

Meter man looked at Driver ... Driver pointed at the open door indicating his fare was imminent ... Meter man  tapped his citation book ... Driver closed the door and drove off. Not a single word was spoken.

It was fantastic. I think I audibly said "wow" too. Yes, I am a dork.

Now, am I suggesting that tapping your pocket where you keep your caution is a good mechanic to warn a player? No, I am not. In fact I particularly dislike that mechanic personally, but have seen it used with effect.

What I am saying is that when you have an understanding with a player, or a team, a lot of talk may mean nothing, a simple gesture may get it done without more. A palm in the "stop" position is a very powerful hand signal, and usually gets the point across even without a word.

Next time you are out, focus on your NON-VERBAL communication and see what you can accomplish without saying a word. By doing this, you are quietly building your arsenal of ways to help control a match using a minimalist approach.

Like with other things in life, starting small and working your way up leaves you options if you need them later. If all goes well however, the "worst" non-verbal cue you'll need, is a smile. =)